Green Gone Bad
Ok … this is therapeutic blogging at it’s best. For some of my readers, I know this will provide therapeutic laughter, so all in all, we’re saving thousands of dollars here. [Also part of my therapy in this particular situation is a small glass of red wine that I’m sipping.]
Going green … it ain’t easy, but as some of you know, we’re making an attempt here at the Shinn household on some small scales. Yes, this is my new kick. Slowly I’ve been educating myself, making some small changes and doing a few experiments along the way. Today, our house guests, Matt & Amber, offered to cook dinner, so I took the opportunity to do some extra cleaning. Having done some internet research on some homemade cleaning products that are more environmentally friendly and cost effective, I’ve been doing quite a bit of cleaning with simply a vinegar and water solution, which has worked really well. I have searched for a homemade wood floor cleaner, as what I’ve been using is expensive, and we go through quite a bit since most of our living space is wood floor. MANY web sites have suggested what I’m about to tell you, so cut me just a little bit of slack before you pee your pants laughing! The most often suggested concoction to clean wood floors is 1/2 cup vinegar and 1/2 cup … vegetable oil. OK … when I first read it I too thought it was nuts, but having found the suggestion on multiple sites from multiple sources, I thought there must certainly be some sort of safe chemical reaction between the vinegar and vegetable oil that would leave my floors to be clean, shiny and the envy of all of Santa Barbara. [Yes … I do realize vegetable oil is simply a nice way of saying “grease,” which is often the main thing I’m working so hard to remove from the kitchen floors, cabinets, and pendant lights, but again, my green web friends had not failed me to this point.]
So, off I went, polishing with my “almost a salad dressing” concoction. The floors looked shiny, the dirt was coming up easily, so I continued on … 1000 square feet or whatever it is we have. I finished all the floors and stood back with admiration … beautiful and very green, though slightly smelling of a deep frier. I then moved back to the end of the house I started in … and almost slipped as if stepping on a banana peel. What was that? I reached down to feel the floor and was (surprisingly) shocked at how utterly slick the floor was! Shiny, yes, but dangerously slick. I warned the kids to stay in the blue room (where there is safe, oil-free carpet), and quickly made some of my new staple concoction - vinegar and water. I went back over the whole floor with this mixture, sure the vinegar would do it’s grease-cutting magic. Once again, I finished all the flooring and went back for a closer examination of the starting point. Nope. Still law-suit level slickness. And Garth pulled into the driveway right about then.
Once again I thought quickly, grabbed the faithful dish soap and a bucket of hot water and went over the floor now a third time. As I write this, I’ve not yet examined the results. I needed therapy first.
So, as a good, green scientist, I must admit that failures simply provide an opportunity to learn. Here’s what I’ve learned:
- Oil is intended to make things slick. That property doesn’t really change with the addition of vinegar.
- The advertised green living concoction of oil and vinegar to clean wood floors would only be valuable if our kids were training for Olympic speed skating (they are not … at least not yet, though I may time them around the pool table later tonight to see if either of them have potential).
- There are limits to how green we can be. Sometimes it’s just easier to grab the Orange-Glo and take 20 minutes to clean, rather than spend 3 1/2 hours.
It didn’t seem fair of me to not share this seemingly disastrous event. Besides … I wouldn’t want you to make the same mistake. Please … let the comments flow. (I’m sorry if caused anyone to wet their pants in a coffee shop or other public place.)
May 13th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
JP. you are hysterical. we have wood floors… count me glad that you figured this problem out! we’ll stick to orange-glo for sure.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:15 am
Want to be our next A Rocha education night speaker?
May 14th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Um… Jen, you are cracking me up. How about trying a little Mrs. Meyers… biodegradable, not tested on animals/humans, smells a whole lot better than VINEGAR, and a tad less slippery!
Love you!
May 14th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
I’m glad nobody was injured in the making-or cleaning-of this event! I’ve definitely slipped on freshly cleaned wood floors (even after warnings to slow down) and almost cut my tongue off. That was disasterous (I’m talking hospitalized, couldn’t eat for days, and was almost put on IVs because of dehydration and not eating…I was five). I can’t even imagine what would have happened to my tongue if they had used vegetable oil!
May 14th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
But it would have been fun to see Garth slide down the hall in his business shirt, socks and underwear.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Yeah like Tom Cruise in Risky Business!
You could’ve at least had a little dance/slide party on the floor before you cleaned up the oily mess.
Hilarious story … you’ll have to tell it in person around the campfire at R and R next year.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:43 am
I do love your kicks. I am adding it to the master list. Next time you experiment I have two words for you: test area. You can always just try on one small area as opposed to the whole floor. But, it is a better story if you don’t. I am sure Zak loved the cleaning solution!
May 15th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
hahahahaha….JP. oh, that was so theraputic! made my day. def. a story for R and R next year! and i have to know…did you use the left over solution on your dinner salad that night?
May 16th, 2008 at 11:31 am
JP, you are just so special in so many ways and the world would not be the same without you. I honestly don’t know what my life was like before you and your never ending list of kicks, but I can never be without them or I will die a long, slow, and painfully un-entertained death. Here’s to more green experiments…and is there any chance we can get a webcam in the house so we can see the whole process develop?!
May 18th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
I have some wood floors. If I’m dusting and spray endust or anything and it gets on the floor - that too makes them really slick! I just get on my hands and knees with a wet rag. Probably could clean them better - but for now, that works for me.
May 18th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Oh yah - and I want Garth to blog.
May 22nd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
oh crap, i can’t believe i’m just now reading this! and i can’t believe i missed all the fun! i’m still laughing….
i love how you seek out new methods of doing things.
June 16th, 2008 at 6:17 pm
[…] time I was certain I had a fool proof homemade wood floor cleaner. Vinegar, water, and bat poop. Yes. I was skeptical too … OK … I’m totally […]
January 5th, 2009 at 6:34 am
I too am on a quest for a hardwood floor cleaner. Every couple months I google it to see if something new has popped up. The best I have found (and easiest, I’m clean but lazy) is to take a 32 spray bottle (like for misting plants) glug some Murphy’s Oil soap (about 2 tablespoons), a small-ish glug of white vinegar (about 1 tablespoon) and a mug of strongly brewed tea (that much isn’t needed but I always spill a bunch trying to get it into the little hole at the top of the spray bottle and top off the concoction with warm water. Spray onto the floor and mop with a microfiber mop or even a cloth diaper rubberbanded on a dust mop. Spray away…I go thru gallons of this. It works great! The oil soap isn’t slippery but adds a nice shine, the vinegar acts as a disinfectant and the tea adds a richness. In a pinch, a sprayer full of straight, strongly brewed tea with the mop method makes the floors look wonderful, deeply toned, nice patina and all that but I have white molding and I tend to splash on it when I spray so the molding needs to be wiped off.